MONDAY MUNCH: MAKE-ME-LATE OATS

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For those who don’t know: I’m addicted to porridge. It has slowly but surely become the 2015 symbol of health and morning energy, even though the human race has been extolling it’s benefits since Time Began. I loved it when it was fed to me as a baby, I loved it when I discovered Ready Brek even though I still don’t understand how it’s porridge and I love it today. And quite frankly, it’s been my morning saviour in the phase where I got up and decided how to fill an entire day. There is nothing more productive than starting your day with porridge.

It is such the cult breakfast, that there are various pop-ups and restaurants that are solely dedicated to porridge. I once reviewed something online and could only think of the user name ‘PorridgeGirl’. Where once, ‘Stalker’ would do, I’ve gone in search of a more-mentally-stable-sounding anonymous profile. Although…not so anonymous anymore I guess. Just like my everyday bowl of Instagram-fodder, I’ll have to change that up.

My most favourite bowl of porridge that I discovered during summer, was Overnight Oats. You make them the night before, soak them and crawl out of your bed towards the fridge in the morning. My dad actually makes a delightful version of this for Christmas day, with orange juice and apple. However, recently I’ve started a new fad of warm Porridging – the Make-Me-Late Oats.

Ingredients:

  • Porridge oats – I prefer the chunky rolled version
  • Milk of choice – almond for the more expensive days, water for the other 20 days of the month
  • Toppings, including but not limited to: dates, almond butter, honey, cinnamon, raisins, apple, pecans, literally anything else, excluding nutella because it becomes a fast, slippery slope to then just eating nutella topped with porridge
  • About 15 crucial minutes of your morning when you’ve only left 25 to get up, get dressed and leave

Recipe:

  • Use a saucepan for ultimate effective and late-ness
  • Stir the oats with the milk for about 5-7 minutes
  • Spend about 7-9 minutes deciding on the toppings
  • Do absolutely nothing useful whilst it cools enough to eat, except eat more of the toppings
  • Eat it

Now, the absolute recipe for disaster here is spending quite a lengthy amount of time making it. You want to be just late enough everyday that sometimes it’ll scald your oesophagus and you have to get the second train, but not quite late enough to get you fired, as you wipe away the almond butter from around your mouth upon entrance to the office.

My Favourite Topping of the Week:

Pecans, cinnamon and apple with honey and a raised eyebrow from my boss.

My Favourite Porridge Quotes:

“Date syrup is a natural sweetener that has wonderful richness and treacly depth…I drizzle it over semolina porridge” – Yotam Ottolenghi

“I never thrust my nose into another man’s porridge. It is no bread and butter of mine. Every man for himself and God for us all” – Miguel de Cervantes

“The food that’s never let me down in life is porridge, especially with milk and maple syrup, which is delicious.” – Marianne Faithfull

“‘Keep your breath to cool your porridge’ and I shall keep mine to swell my song” – Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen

“If I see porridge ever again I’m gonna be so sick my whole stomach’s gonna fall out” – TOWIE’s Gemma Collins

DISCLAIMER: I’ll write this because I know my mum will give me grief about it – I’m not always late because I’m making porridge. It’s only happened like, two or three times. 

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