I am having a quarter life crisis. I know I’m not the only one having it. But I just need to let this out. I haven’t posted on here for MONTHS and I’m consuming more almond butter than online content at the moment.
I don’t know what it is: laziness, lack of inspiration, possible over obsession with nut butter that leaves no room for any other hobby*. Maybe a mix of all three.
I have often attempted to write another post; watched it disappear – like the closing doors of a tube that you just can’t seem to catch, no matter how much you run for it – with every backspace. I’m living in London now, Clapham to be precise. Someone once told me that this borough has the largest proportion of under 30 year olds in Europe. Judging by a quick run – here we run around in our Sweaty Betty leggings and Nikes, not walk – down the High Street, they weren’t wrong. Swarms of us, starting up life and sinking as many Byron burgers as we can whilst we’re at it.
I’m in a limbo state, where I’m temping – and actually really enjoying it, even if my main job is to email people back with answers to such queries as “There seems to be a blockage in the ladies loo…third stall…I heard from a colleague…of a colleague…can you get someone to fix it?”. I also do a lot of meet and greets with important clients, so the job varies which is more stimulating than other temp jobs I’ve had (*cough* Exel cough*).
But, I’m still on the permanent job hunt. Still applying, still wondering whether my cover letter is SMACK YOU IN THE FACE, WAKE UP AND REALISE HOW GREAT I AM good, or just average. Still finding myself reading ‘How to write a great cover letter’ articles, only to find their solution is to:
“A) Say how great you are
B) Don’t forget to say how great you are
C) Why do you want to work for them?
D) Round off with how great you are.
Et voila, so simple!”
Yeah. That’s actually NOT HELPFUL ADVICE.
Not unlike my blog posts, I write many a cover letter and find myself questioning my capabilites. Am I really that good at working as a team? Do I really have great skills in this, that or…anything.
I don’t know why, after four years of honing my skills and growing such a vast amount as a person, colleague, friend and mother to four incredible pets, I still feel the need to question my worth.
I was talking about this with an acquaintance on the bus last weekend – you know the kind, you’re not super close but you feel like you can suddenly discuss anything with this person. We had a chat about being in a rut, which quickly lead to us both realising we always question our worth. Of course, I’m talking about ‘we’ as in humanity. I don’t believe it is just us two, sitting on the X3 from Abingdon to Oxford that have ever raised such questions.
Maybe ‘we’ should just relax. In such a populated area as London it is so easy to feel like a very small fish in a large ocean. An amoeba, if you will. But I’ve decided to believe in myself more.
After so many years of education, things are baffling now they don’t follow a logical path. I’m having the age old follow your dream/afford to pay rent, let alone almond butter, debate constantly. I have no idea what I’m going to do even when my temp job finishes on Friday.
But I quite like not knowing. The not knowing terrifies me. It does. But I hope I can start to believe it when people keep saying “It’ll all work out in the end”. Because I’m reaching the end of my tub of almond butter – and that’s terrifying enough.
*Don’t think eating AB isn’t a hobby. I do it on the reg, enjoy discussing it with my peers and often research around the subject. If that isn’t a hobby then I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.